Second Whine

     This post is dedicated to every girl in the world. I'm not going to whine about your ability to make me sad because that's what my last whine was about, and you can't make me sad anymore, because I've grown a pair now. Instead of being the insecure fat man without a girl I'm now the very secure fat man without a girl.
     Here is what pisses me off about you girls, you all think you are Lady Gaga and you aren't. You see, I like music and I love Lady Gaga, but I listen to her because she is in a place where singing is condoned, people want her to sing. And through trial and error and lots of money, she earned the ability to sing, along with a record deal and fans.
     Here is the problem with nearly all of the girls that I know, you sing in places where it just isn't condoned, I am a firm believer in the Don’t Ask to Sing, Don’t Ever Sing policy. I don't know if it's just me but it makes me uncomfortable when people in general sing in areas where there are few people and none of them came with intentions of hearing you sing. My problem is that you just start singing in your best voice like the three people in the room with you are Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, and Randy Jackson.
     I only thought of this because it happened to me personally, just now and I'm writing it from my iPhone. I'm at a dance right now, sweaty, hot, and loud. In order to get a break from it all, I go out to get a drink of water, the line is longer than longcat and I'm by myself. I'm standing in the back of the line (because that is where it is appropriate to enter a line). My hands are in my pockets and I'm content hearing the faint beats of the dance in the background. When a girl and her friend enter the line as well, I’m on the edge of my comfort zone because now I’m stuck next to these sluts.

     I automatically assumed that this particular girl was (like most girls) was of low self-esteem and so she dressed in a way that allowed everybody to see almost every inch of skin on her body. I believe she had confidence in one other thing about herself, her singing voice, and she was determined to get some compliments on it.

    There I am standing in like when she starts singing, I don't have a problem with the singing, she can sing all she wants. I have a problem with her thinking that there is a music producer in the room and she is determined to get a record deal. So she starts belting out lyrics, like its a normal thing to do. I understand that you are desperate for a compliment (because if you weren't, you'd have a shirt on).

     Now I don't want people thinking I'm the Ebeneezer Scrooge of music, because I'm not. I would be happy to be in the car, singing with you any day. We can sing every song on your iPod if you want, but we wont be trying to prove how good we are at singing, we will just enjoy the song and try to mimic the artist as we sing.

     

     So I've done all of you girls a favor, I've made a list for you so that you can know where belting is acceptable.

-In the shower (If you are alone)

-In the car (if you are alone)

-In your house (If you are alone)

-In your bedroom (If you are alone)

Here is where it is UNACCEPTABLE.

-In the car (When other people are there)

-In a line (for anything)

-In Wal-Mart

-While you are walking to class

-If your headphones are in, UNNACCEPTABLE! anywhere any time, DO NOT sing at all if you have headphones in.

     It would be polite to say "Thank you Zack" now, because now you aren't making people uncomfortable anymore. But you aren't polite, and you don't care, because you've been making people feel weird all your life.