Strange Benefits

      I'm a straight man, and I have strong feelings for girls, I'm trying to say that I like girls, and have no feelings whatsoever for men. I don't even know how girls can like men, but they do and it's something I'm grateful for. Girls are very attractive and appealing, while men are not. The purpose of this post is not for me to prove that I am not gay, because no matter what you think, I am not gay. 
     There might be benefits to being a gay man though, specifically, in the world of relationships.

1. Get some honesty. Your partner is honest with you, if there is something going on he will tell you. This is a concept that apparently only guys can grasp, just saying what you think. Here is an example

Man to Girlfriend: "Does it bother you when I hang out with other girls when you aren't there? Because if it does I can stop"

Girl: "No, its fine"

Man: "Are you sure?"

Girl: "Yep. It's okay."

Girl to Girl: "I can't believe he has to ask me that question! Of course I hate it when he is with other girls! If they are better than me, why doesn't he just date them?!"

Here is the gay version of the previous conversation

Man to "Partner": "Do you hate it when I hang out with other guys and you aren't there?"

Partner: "yes"

Man: "Okay, I'll stop"

Did you see how easy that was? unbelievably easy!

2. Settling fights are easier than ever when you're gay! When in a fight with a girl, you call her- she doesn't answer. Leave a message, send a text, and nothing, she doesn't respond because she is mad at you (My theoretical input: I think girls stay "mad" so long because they love the attention, they love that you have sent them fifty texts, and they feel cared about). This girl's going to be mad at you until she feels like you have thought about only her for a week, and depending on how insecure she is, she could be mad at you for a month.
    Here is what a gay fight would be like: "Dude, you're being dumb" PUNCH. PUNCH. Now everybody is happy in a loving relationship, nobody feels bad, it's like the fight never happened.

3. He doesn't care about what you look like. When you're in a relationship with a girl, you will, no doubt hear "You're wearing that?." The appropriate response is "No, I just thought I would wear these jeans until you picked out the jeans you bought me for Christmas." You're thinking "What is wrong with this? Its a nice hoodie, I look casual, but not terrible." Your girlfriend disagrees.
     Here is the gay version. "Dude, we're going to see Sound of Music, put some clothes on."
    "Can I just wear these basketball shorts with this sweatshirt?"
    "I think it's a little more formal than that"
   "Alright, I'll put a tie on"

The Tie and Hoodie Combo, no woman stopped this man.

4. Never hear obnoxious screams. You live with a woman when suddenly, you hear the loudest, high pitched, awful scream. You panic, nearly call the police but first you decide to go see what's going on. Then you realize that the thing that almost killed her was a spider, on the wall, across the room. She is frozen in her footsteps by a common house spider.
   Here is the gay version. you partner sees a spider, STOMP, FLUSH, DONE.

5. Never get divorced. You're infidelity is hardly looked at as severe when you aren't married. Sure it might end the relationship with your partner, but the whole "Who gets the house?" question doesn't come into effect, you don't have kids, so whoever paid for the house gets it, the other guy moves out.

The gay life seems so easy, why was I cursed with straight feelings? Life would be so much easier if I were gay.

I am not anti-gay.  Please take no offense to this article if you are gay.