Whaf This!

    Lately I've been reading about "whaffing" technology, this has to be the saddest, laziest most retarded thing I've ever heard of, but according to it's inventor, Dr. David Edwards from Harvard, this is the food of the future.
    Here is a brief explanation of what the Whaf machine does, you take any liquid, or certain special kinds of food, and stick them in this cute little machine that looks like a goldfish bowl on top of a box, and the box whirs around and turns your food into smoke that you inhale. So you inhale your lunch and it tastes the same as if you were actually eating it. Who is this guy Willy Wonka?
    AMERICA! what is your problem? People wonder why there is an obesity epidemic? We wouldn't want to waste those precious calories chewing, would we? The only reason this was invented was because DOCTOR EDWARDS, was sick and tired of wasting calories every time he tried to chew his steak, and since his wife wouldn't move his jaw for him any more, he got off the couch to go invent something that would make it so he never had to chew again.
    According to its reviews the Whaf Machine actually has a very accurate taste, the people that have tested it say that this machine is very good at catching all of the different flavors even in complex foods such as lemon tarts, or tomato soup. so flavor may not be an issue, but texture HAS to be a problem, one of the reasons I eat is for the texture. And who is getting full drinking this air? Would the smell perforate the house any worse than it usually does? When I fry up onions to go with dinner it stinks up my entire house, the clothes I'm wearing, and my roommates get mad, how mad would they be if I was making onion flavored air?
    Enough about that, here is a list of things that I would not want to Whaf.

1. Steak
2. Shrimp
3. Fried Chicken
4. Breadsticks
5. Anything from McDonald's
6. Anything from Panda Express
7. Meatloaf
8. Tuna Fish
9.Philly Cheese Steak
10. Pretty much any food.


Here are some things that sound very whaffable

1. Waffles (get it, whaffing waffles? That sounds like something you would hear on Scooby Doo. "Whaffing waffles, Velma! It was old man Jenkins the whole time!")
2. Ice cream
3. Hot chocolate
4. Caramel Symphony bar
5. Vanilla hot chocolate

     You see? The list is short because whaffing sounds absolutely disgusting. This has to be the dumbest idea since the huge fan on ceiling in the room for Fizzy Lifting Drinks.