I'll start this poem with the story that inspired it. Reader's Digest version, true story. my Great-Grandma left my Great-Grandpa for another man, so my Great Grandpa decided he would marry a woman so ugly that no man would take her from him. He did that, and she was a very ugly woman, but she took care of him, she loved him, she smoked and cussed and worked dirty jobs. She was virtually a man.
My girl just left me for another man,
And I will never again hold her hand
I loved my girl. I loved her so.
But she decided to up and go.
Now I have got a new idea
I'll get a wife that won't leave me-a
She'll be so ugly. no man will take her
And I will never, ever forsake her
She will be gross and so very fat
She will have buck teeth like a rat
She will drink, and cuss and smoke
She'll be the perfect girl for this ugly bloke
She will have eternal body odor
Too fat to walk, she needs a chair with a motor
She won't be all clean-shaven and gaudy
Because she can't reach all of the parts of her body.
She will never, ever leave me
Because no man will take her, You better believe me.
And when she's with me I'm the boss
And if she leaves me, it's nobody's loss
So there she is, she is my dream girl
And I am sure she will make you hurl
If by chance she's a girl that another man will take
At least I won't feel any heartbreak.
