Introducing... Men of Gold

     When the rumors started, Men of Gold was just an idea, we hadn't even jammed together before we started hearing the rumors. "Tyler and Zach are starting a band" was everywhere, we couldn't walk out of our own houses without getting attacked by friends, people we had never met, and most of all the media. We would have to run anywhere we went and even still fans of our yet to be formed group would hound us asking for our first single. Though it never came, still not a day went by where we weren't asked for one. Our fans never quit on us and so we aren't quitting on them, today, February 20, 2012 was our first studio day, recording classics from each generation. We didn't stop there. album titles, cover shoots and the like were all done in one day, and Men of Gold was created.
   
     After all the hubbub we just want everyone to know that we are still the same people, as you look forward to our first single, you must know that we are no different than the people we were before Men of Gold, we refuse to let the fame get to our heads. We don't want everyone thinking that we are a supergroup, headed straight to the Grammy's. We still recognize the humble beginnings we came from and want all of you to still understand that we are the same people.
   
     We also want to promise our fans that we never plan on selling out, label after label have been searching for us, and we are strong in the ways of our music. We refuse to let our creativity be marred by fame or money and if anyone tries to buy their way into our creativity, we will not let them. We know that as long as we stay true to the music our fans will stay true to us, and that is what is important, the fans, not the money, not the fame, you, our fans.

our eponymous album

     We write this today to thank those of you who have supported us from the beginning, to thank those who will be here in the certain future of the band. We know that you anxiously await our single and we anxiously await releasing it. So wait only a short time longer Men of Gold is here to stay.

I Know You, So I'll Tell it Like it is

"There are two types of people in this world, those who pee in the shower, and those who freakin' lie."
-Brock Wilson

My brother told me this joke today, and it made me laugh. I know it isn't his but I attribute it to him, as I don't know who else to attribute it to... anyway, I digress.

As I thought about this joke it pissed me off (pun intended), as most things do. What is wrong with doing a little potty in the shower? Why not? It gives boys an opportunity for a little of target practice, and girls the opportunity to pee whilst standing. This is generally considered the greatest thing a man can do, and if there is one thing wrong with this world, it is that women aren't enough like men.

What arguments do you have against urinating during a relaxing warm shower? It is disgusting? Hmm, well you do more disgusting things that this in the shower. Or do you not wash your butt crack? Well, then you are the disgusting person here. Any other arguments?

It saves water, it is a sterile bodily fluid, and it is comfortable. It may sound gross, but it is not a big deal. So do it, save the planet some water. Here is a photo that you can look at for comfort. This girl does it (I assume that this is a girl, those would be some gay shoes, along with the painted nails) or it could be a gay guy, but that would prove my point even further, gay dudes are clean!

Here is a water saver, and its handy.

The aforementioned (aforeviewed?) product is a little bit of a waste though, cause there is already a freaking drain in the shower!

I considered continuing this blog on, listing more disgusting things that you probably do every day, but I changed my mind. 

P.S. As I did my research for this blog, I learned that it doesn't really matter if you put down any sort of protector when you go to the bathroom in a public toilet, so now you don't have to feel bad when you don't put down a protector, or at least I don't have to feel bad (I never felt bad).

I'm a Better Man Than You (Na na na boo boo, stick your head in doo doo)

Today I earned my manhood. From now on every January 18^th is known as man day. What I did today makes up for every gay thing I have ever done. It makes up for my Lady Gaga phase, it makes up for the date I went on with Jaron Newman, it makes up for that time in high school that I went to a dance with a man. It makes up fr the blog I wrote, saying how I wish I were gay. It even makes up for the majority of encounters I had with my last roommate, Brian Pincock. Also, I get three brand new man cards.

The Man card is similar to the boy scout’s “totin’ chip”  a card that young boy scouts need to hold in order to carry a knife. When he breaks the rules of the knife, such as throwing the knife at trees, or stabbing someone. The scout loses a corner, lose four corners-lose the card. The Man card works similarly, except you lose corners when you do gay stuff, like wear a man thong, or sing all of the lyrics to a Ke$ha song. But, you lose the card forever the minute you kiss a dude, an act like that is inexcusable. I have never done that, for I am a manly man, after today, I may be the Manliest man, EVER, (exception, John Wayne, Danny Ocean, and Clint Eastwood)

Another Manly Man

Today, I changed a flat tire.

Let me set up the situation for you. I am currently working in Elko, Nevada. Actually about 100 miles outside of Elko, and 80 of those miles is a dirt road. The first ten miles of the road is your only cell phone service. Well I am 60 or seventy miles down the road when BOOM, blowout. Oh yeah, and it is 0 degrees outside, windy, snowing, and I am by myself on this empty dirt road. I am not wearing a winter coat, I am wearing a hoodie, sweats, and tennis shoes. It’s 8 AM, and I have only changed tires once in my life, and I have NEVER had to let down a spare tire. So in the spirit of Manhood, I braved it,  my nearly frostbitten hands wrapped up in rags I found in the car, using only my mind and my pride I CHANGED THAT TIRE! And I drove that car 100 miles to safety of a Les Schwab, where I got a new tire for free due to my stunning manliness (warranty).

So. I think I will finish off my day, with a steak, a cigar, maybe a little gambling BECAUSE DAMMIT! I AM A MAN!

I wrote that while I was in Les Schwab, right after that I went to the Gold Dust casino for some $7.77 prime rib, and I realized this.

I love Casinos, the atmosphere is exciting, the food is cheap and gambling is manly. I realized today that a gambling is a lot like expensive fishing.  I am walking out of the restaurant and through the casino. And a drunk man (see it’s already like fishing) comes up to me and asks how my day has been (a very fishing-like quality). Not realizing he was talking about my luck at the tables I said “really good.” He then proceeds to tell me how he was on his last dollar last night and he walked out with 300 dollars. How is that not the same as fishing? Clearly, like all fisherman, this guy was full of crap.

To be pleasant, I figured should tell him a nice whopper about how I won a hundred dollars from the slot machine last week at the Red Lion on a nickel.  I LOVE MANHOOD.