Truth Will Prevail (you can make it)

    Many people think that they can lie, they think that this is okay because they don't want to hurt the feelings of another person. So they tell a big fat fib, this is for those of you in a relationship, because as we all know, the one place to go for lies is your significant other. Now, often my blog has been anti-woman,  but this one is for both men and women, because everybody lies. Your loved one doesn't lie though, right? Well hopefully not, but here are some ways to find out if they are, they might be lying about saying they love you, I have a few tricks for you in that category as well.

How to find out if your loved one is a liar

1. Hide a camera in their bedroom. 

      Their time is the time that they are going to break your trust, when they are alone they are going to do things to betray you. Check what time they were doing things, such as texting. When you are spending hours of your time analyzing what they are doing. You need to watch for things such as texting, see if they are actually laughing at your texts that are funny. because if they don't laugh out loud, and they text back "LOL" That is a LIE.

2. Make a fake Facebook.

      This one takes time, but ultimately it is very telling. The profile will be a very attractive person of the same sex as you are, you will friend all of your boy/girl's friends. After having established a believable friendship base, send that special someone a friend request with a message that says "we have so many mutual friends!! why haven't I ever seen you before? ;)" If they accept the friend request, they are a cheater and they have to go. They are lying garbage.

3.Follow them

     This is pretty self explanatory. Follow them ALWAYS. Constantly be ten steps behind them, if they catch you, brush it off as a coincidence. Wait for them to do something that is a lie, then DUMP THAT PEICE OF SHIT

4.Bear Trap

     This one isn't as crazy as you might think. Set a bear trap outside of their bedroom door, when the trap snaps closed on their leg, permanently damaging it, you SHOULD be the first person they call. They love you, right? If they don't call you first, they deserved it. and you should also dump them.

5.Threaten their life.
     Hire someone to kill them, the person you hire will put a gun to their head and ask, "any last words?" then if they say something about anyone besides you... Have the guy you hired just finish the job, you don't want to have to deal with breaking up with them, and they lied about loving you, so they deserve to DIE.

6. Go back to basics
     They should text you every day, every morning, a good morning and if every conversation doesn't end with an "I love you." They aren't worth it. If they don't text you back within five minutes, dump them. If you don't feel like they love you, dump them. If they don't hold the door for you, dump them. If they find anybody else in the world attractive, dump them. If they don't take you out for dinner, dump them. If they pick their nose or fart, dump them. If they liked Pirates of the Caribbean 4, 3, or 2. Dump them. If they throw up on roller coasters (even your favorite ones) dump them. If they aren't rich Dump them. If you deserve better, Dump them. If their name is Darrell, keep them (it is such an uncommon name). if their name is Zach, Kenzie, Josh, Katie, Brayden, Ashley, Lauren, Brandon, or Bryson, those names are far too common. Dump them.
Relationships are the worst.
    

How to Be Fat

It's October, and I have some terrible news for you, you are going to get fat.  Now as a renowned fat guy I can say this, but anyone should be able to say this because it's true. The truth is, you are already getting fat. School has started, you don't have time to work out, you hardly have time for both homework AND Facebook. The combination of tons of sitting around and eating is doing it. Plus, Halloween is coming up, followed by Thanksgiving and Christmas, thats gonna start to weigh on you (pun intended). So lets face it, you're getting fat, if you don't believe me, go weigh yourself (unless you want to keep your self esteem, then just tell yourself you'll do it later). Right now you're thinking; "lets get to the point, you have torn my self esteem up enough." Well, thats alright, because I'm gonna help you build it back up. I'm going to teach you how to be fat.

Zach Wilson's Fat Guide.

Know your weight limits.
The worst thing that can happen is you getting stuck somewhere that you used to fit, whether that is climbing out a window, getting on a ride at an amusement park, or sitting in the middle seat of a car. This is not only humiliating because you are stuck, but it's something that you are going to need to ask help with, and that is something you just don't want to do, because then other people are going to realize that you are getting fat.

Wear a belt
Butt crack is an embarrassing thing to have hanging out, because butt crack is gross, even on the most attractive of women, butt crack is disgusting. Since you are now fat, it is bound to be exposed at some point. The belt is NOT foolproof though, you still are going to have butt crack, just less of it, so the next time you drop your keys, just try to put your back end facing a wall, then nobody should see. Make sure to be conscious of it, because you are fat, and that is something to worry about.

Buy a Fan
Here is an investment all fat people should make, its relaxing at night, the calming sound soothes you as you go to sleep. Also it will keep you from waking up in a puddle of sweat. Here is how that feels, your butt cheeks are cold and wet right when you wake up, you don't know how to feel, at first you think "why is my butt wet?" then you realize you're sweating like a thirteen year old in Victoria's Secret. And that sweat  has puddled right where you are the fattest (just so you know, your butt is getting fat, I have no recommendations for that because I don't have a butt)

New clothes
There are two ways to dress now that you are fat, you can dress down, or you can dress up, is no middle, you think you can wear your tee shirts any more? Nope. Not unless they go under your sweatshirt, which has a sports team on it. Otherwise you will look like you aren't athletic, because athletic people wear stuff that has names of teams on it, and even though you are fat, you think people will think you are athletic, because your shirt says NBA on it.
Dressing up is the better way to be fat, wear a button up shirt and nice jeans or khaki pants. It is a way to acknowledge that you're fat, but also have some dignity about it. A polo shirt looks nice too. There is just one rule: NEVER wear a shirt with horizontal lines, because it makes you look wider, and I promise you don't need that.

Photos
Try to avoid, at all costs being photographed, the last thing you need right now is someone tagging you in some picture that makes you realize that your second chin is WAY more noticeable than you thought.

Keep your head up
Just so you know, your second chin is way more noticeable than you think.

These are just the need to know things, and you might want to bookmark this page for the future, because it's all downhill after halloween. Also, your face is about to get pasty white and disgusting, enjoy your next three months!