Thoughts lately

Ladies and gentlemen, I have missed you. After I wrote one of the unfunniest blogs known to man, I killed my blogging entirely. The blog you are reading now has no intention of being funny; I have learned humor is not a necessity to blogging. Blogging is just a random collection of thoughts, so here are some of the thoughts I have been having for a while

I don’t like trashy women, no matter the level of attractiveness, secretly trashy is kind of okay, at least the secretly trashy girl doesn’t wear shirts that expose the majority of their breasts. And secretly trashy girl is very nice. Trashy girl doesn’t think that the shirt she ripped up in about fifty different places and then put on without any underclothes is trashy. Trashy girl needs to learn that those earrings that run up and down her ear with gauges at the bottom is not a way to express herself, she just looks really ghetto.

 I think women are all around better than men and should be treated as such. When I see a man disrespecting a broad, I get very upset, I mean, who would clean his kitchen if she left him?

The Verve once said “loves seems to stick in the veins you know” I think that’s true, I think once you really love somebody, it never goes away, I think that there is always an inkling of love there, even in the case of divorce, I think that no two people who truly loved each other once can ever stop loving the other entirely.

Fireworks are stupid, the only reason I care about them is because they make me a Sh**load of money. When somebody walks into my stand, buys $500 worth of fireworks , and asks me if I take credit, I think, “How about instead of spending money you don’t have, just go to the fireworks show every  single city puts on for FREE!”

I wish people wouldn’t walk into my fireworks tent and ask me what each firework does.

“what’s this one do?”

“It goes into the air and explodes.”

“what’s this expensive one do?”

“It goes higher into the air and explodes bigger”

“what about this cheaper one?”

“It goes into the air and explodes smaller”

“what about this one?”

“Just shut up and buy something”

All musicians are talented, when I hear people (generally hipsters) talk about how untalented a pop musician is I think “Lady Gaga didn’t become a superstar by sucking at singing” any star that is big is quite a good singer, whether the hipsters agree with that or not.

Dear Hipsters, stop trying to be different from everyone else, you all wear cut-off jeans and shop at the D.I. and listen to the same music nobody has heard of and you think that you were the first person to discover Mumford and Sons and that nobody was wearing Toms shoes until after YOU bought them, yep, you aren’t different at all, you are all the same! P.S. the flannel shirts make you all look like skinny Al Borlean’s.

Why don’t I ever see fat hipsters? They’re always skinny. That’s offensive.

I hope I never see Transformers 3, because two was really, really, awful.

Zits are underrated, each one is like a small gift, you can take pleasure in having a clear face, and when one pops you get excited, I mean, as you pop the zit you can see it build up and you feel the terrible pressure behind the skin and then… POP! Pain relieved, zit, out.

When Noah built his ark, why didn’t he just kill fly’s, mosquito’s and spiders?

I think a yearbook for a university would be really awful. 20,000 pictures of people you don’t know, And it would cost a fortune.  That’s why I love Facebook so much.

I think people need to take Facebook more seriously, when someone isn’t your friend don’t add them. It’s really weird.

I think a girl could find out how hot she is by making it so nobody can see her Facebook pictures unless they are her friend, then see how many requests she gets.

Friends are your family that you get to choose, if you are friends with someone, they should be treated as family. People seem to be okay with blowing their friends off for something better or someone more exciting- that is not okay.  Friends are the second most important thing in the world next to family, treat them as such.