To All Seniors - Bite me.

     A common tradition since the dawn of college has been seniors disrespecting freshman for their blatant immaturity and easy classes. And a lot of freshmen have been pointing their middle fingers to these upperclassmen (these people need to buck up). To boost morale I decided to address this issue.

    1. We are immature, and we can be. This is an incredible plus for us, if we are going to be referred to as "those immature freshman." We might as well live up to our potential, and there are many ways we can do this.
 I think I will start putting graffiti all over in the bathroom stall (starting with offensive pictures, swastikas. etc and then moving on to vulgarities) , followed by skipping class as often as possible and getting the notes from my friends. There is also a building on campus called the Biology and Natural Resources (for short it is known as the B-N-R) I'm going to call that the "boner."
Also, I'm going to stay up until 4 or 5 A.M., being loud and obnoxious, playing my music loud for all to hear and keeping everybody awake. Maybe I'll pick up drinking too, it would make me really cool and likable.


    2. Yeah we have easy classes! and we are proud of it. We don't have to worry about a family until later, our hardest jobs right now include flipping burgers, or doing nothing. This is the time of our lives. So to all of the seniors who have the time to insult us, maybe you should get some more meaningful jobs, girlfriends, and find something a little more important to pick on.


    3. It is acceptable for us all to gain fifteen pounds our freshman year. My personal goal, gain twenty, if not thirty pounds. I figure the fatter the man, the greater he is. If you are a cute girl and you know a chubby guy that doesn't have a  girlfriend, just date him, for he is desperate and lonely, today he made a match.com profile for a two week trial and was matched up with over one hundred girls (one was actually cute). I digress.


There are some people I would like to address though, the eight men that stand in the front row behind the basket at the Utah State University, this includes the famous "Wild Bill" and his cronies.


   You guys act like high school seniors, the world does not revolve around you. Wild Bill, man, you are almost thirty years old, I remember when my parents were thirty, and believe me, they did not ever think about dressing up as Barney and lead the student section in a chorus of "I'm a little teapot." Sorry, even though the media makes you out to be the hero of USU, my friend, your time is up, hopefully.